Episode Transcript
[00:00:07] Welcome to Queers Against Diet Culture, the podcast where we unlearn toxic food rules and reclaim our bodies. I'm Raya, a queer anti diet coach and your guide to healing your relationship with food and your body in a world that profits off our self hate. We're not here to shrink, we're here to take up space. So let's get into it.
[00:00:27] Welcome back everybody. Last time we talked about what diet culture is, how it affects the queer community, and how it intersects with capitalism and white supremacy.
[00:00:37] Today I want to talk about body neutrality for queer folks. So just to give you a brief overview, today we're going to talk about what body neutrality is and what it is not, how it's different from body positivity and how it can be especially healing for queer folks and realistic steps that you can take to start implementing it into your life. But. But before I fully get into it, I want to share with you the tarot card that I pulled for this episode. So the card that I pulled for this episode is the death card in reverse. And don't worry, it's not as spooky as it sounds.
[00:01:11] The death card doesn't literally represent death. When this card shows up in reverse, it's usually about resisting change or holding on to old stories that maybe we've outgrown. It's kind of that in between space where something, something needs to shift but you're not quite ready to let go yet. And honestly, that is such a real part of healing. Sometimes transformation isn't just this big dramatic moment, which it can be, but usually it's slow. It can be kind of awkward and honestly kind of uncomfortable. And this card is here to remind us that it's okay to move through that space gently, to start loosening our grips on the limiting beliefs or fears that no longer fit, and to make space for something authentic to grow. It's time to embrace change and personal transformation.
[00:02:00] And with that, let's jump straight into it.
[00:02:03] So what is body neutrality? It's essentially a mindset and approach to body image that focuses on accepting your body for exactly how it is. Not needing to love or hate your body, but being at peace with it. It displaces your body from being the center of your self worth. Your body is just one part of who you are. It's not your whole identity and there's no morality attached to it. Your body size, shape and color do not make you either a good or a bad person. On the other hand, body positivity encourages you to love your body unconditionally and I think that can be great if you're able to give that to yourself, but a lot of people can't.
[00:02:47] It's really hard to think positively about your body when you're starting from a place of hate or dislike. Or even if you're just having a hard day. Switching negative self talk to positive self talk can feel like you're lying to yourself. A lot of people have a hard time overcoming the grip of toxic thy culture, partially because they think it means that they have to be overly body positive and they feel like they can't give that to themselves. It's easier to get to and maintain body body neutrality. I also feel like body neutrality can be more healing than body positivity, but that's very situational and not always the case. But if body positivity genuinely works for you, then I am all for it. We are all different. So what works for one person might not work for another. And that's totally okay. But the goal of body neutrality is to shift your focus away from the way that your body looks and focusing on the way that your body functions.
[00:03:42] So an example of this, when you look in the mirror, instead of judging the way that your stomach looks, or instead of forcing yourself to say that you love your stomach, if that's not true, you might notice that it digests your food, or that it allows you to laugh deeply, or to breathe or connect with the world. This helps to reduce the emotional charge around your body image.
[00:04:07] The highs and the lows start to even out. You're no longer constantly trying to chase body love or drowning in body hate. It makes room for people who can't access body positivity easily, especially those dealing with gender dysphoria or chronic illness, disability, trauma or fatphobia. It acknowledges that loving your body 247 just isn't realistic for everybody, but you can still treat it with the respect and the care that it deserves. Body neutrality is ultimately about freedom. Freedom from obsession, from judgment, from constantly having to act perfect. It's just permission to simply be.
[00:04:51] And this is exactly where body neutrality becomes a deeply queer act of rebellion and self acceptance. As we talked about in the last episode, diet, culture and heteronormativity thrive on binaries. Good versus bad, attractive versus unattract, healthy versus unhealthy, masculine versus feminine, thin versus fat, right versus wrong. These binaries are all about control. They keep people striving to fit in rather than living authentically. Well. Body neutrality, just like queerness, goes against all of that. It's the radical Middle ground that refuses to play that binary game. You don't have to love or hate your body. You can just exist in it. And that itself is a deeply queer mindset, one that resists conformity and embraces the complexity of life. For a lot of queer folks, the idea of loving your body can feel unrealistic or even inaccessible, especially when body dysphoria or trauma or chronic illness are a part of your experience.
[00:05:55] Body neutrality creates space for that complexity. You don't have to love your body in order to treat it with care. You can still respect your body, even if you don't feel fully comfortable in it. You can still feed it and rest it and honor it and advocate for it, even on days when you would rather not look at it at all.
[00:06:14] It doesn't deny the reality of dysphoria or discomfort. It just says that you still deserve care, even while you're still figuring it out. It also creates room for euphoria, those moments when you do feel at home in your body without expecting that it's going to be constant. Because your relationship with your body can be fluid, just like your identity. And that fluidity, that constant process of becoming, is queer as hell. Another piece of this is shifting our focus from how our bodies look to how they feel. Diet culture trains us to treat our bodies like objects. It teaches us to stand outside of ourselves. That you need to analyze and judge and fix. But body neutrality takes us back inside of our bodies. It's not about looking in the mirror and forcing yourself to say, I love what I see. It's about asking, how do I feel inside of my body today? What sensations do I notice?
[00:07:10] What does comfort feel like? What would bring me ease right now?
[00:07:15] And that is such an important shift for queer folks. Because our bodies have often been sites of policing. Whether it's gender presentation or size or ability or expression. We've been told explicitly or implicitly that there's a right way to look queer or healthy or desirable.
[00:07:35] Body neutrality takes all of that off the table. And it reminds you that your body does not exist for anyone else's approval. When you stop living for the external gaze, for validation or attraction, you get to build a relationship with your body that's based off of feeling, not performance.
[00:07:52] And then there's also this hierarchy piece guy. Culture and our society in general ranks bodies by their perceived values. Thin bodies, white bodies, able bodied, cisgender bodies. They're treated as the gold standard. Everyone else is told to strive towards that ideal, even if it's literally impossible. But Body neutrality dismantles that. It says that no body is more valuable than another period. And honestly, that's a pretty radical stance, even though it shouldn't have to be. But especially for queer folks who've been told so many times that their bodies are too much or not enough.
[00:08:32] And neutrality doesn't erase our differences, but it does challenge that hierarchy. Body neutrality isn't about pretending that we're all the same. If anything, it helps us celebrate our differences while also rejecting the systems that decides who gets to feel at home in their skin and who doesn't. And for queer fat and disabled folks, body neutrality becomes a small, daily act of resistance. It's sort of a quiet rebellion against a society that profits off us feeling disconnected from our and that leads us to community, something that both queerness and body neutrality deeply value. Diet culture isolates us a lot of the time and makes you believe that your body is your own private problem, something to fix in silence and to not talk about. But queerness and neutrality are both communal. When we eat together, we dance together, rest together. We experience our bodies as connection, not competition.
[00:09:32] And that's where healing actually happens. Pleasure, joy, softness, laughter. They're all body experiences. And reclaiming those experiences, especially for queer people, is so powerful. We've been told that our pleasure is shameful, that our appetites are wrong and our joy is too loud. But with body neutrality, we get to take all of that back. We get to experience pleasure without having to earn it, to enjoy food without having to apologize for it, and to take up space without feeling guilty. You are allowed to just exist in your body as it is right now, and still feel joy.
[00:10:15] And ultimately, that's what ties all of this to queer liberation. Body neutrality is about freedom and autonomy. It teaches you that you do not owe anyone a stereotypical version of beauty or conformity.
[00:10:29] Your worth is not up for debate, and your body is not a project. It is your home.
[00:10:35] And that is more than just a mindset. It's also a political stance, especially in this world that we're currently living in. It's a form of resistance.
[00:10:45] It's rejecting this subtle form of control and embracing who we are as an individual.
[00:10:51] Just like queerness, body neutrality isn't about fitting into a new label or reaching some perfect emotional state. It's about being free. Free to exist, free to feel, free to have a body without having to explain or justify it to anybody. You shouldn't have to earn your right to exist. You should be able to just live your life.
[00:11:13] And I know all of this is easier said than done, especially since we live in a society that loves to police other people's bodies. Body neutrality asks us to step away from obsessing over how our bodies look and to instead focus on what they do, like how they carry us through life, allow us to connect, to move, and just to exist.
[00:11:36] It's about removing the moral value attached to appearance. But in a world built on die culture that is incredibly difficult to do. Die culture depends on body obsession. It's a system that thrives when we're fixated on how bodies measure up to everyone else's and to this constantly moving standard of health that nobody can ever reach.
[00:11:59] So when we try to step away from that, it can be a little rebellious, because neutrality doesn't sell anything. It doesn't buy into capitalism, literally and figuratively. Diet culture is designed to keep us dissatisfied. If we're neutral about our bodies, we're not buying the products and the programs. The wellness and fitness industries rely on us believing that our worth is just one more purchase away. So neutrality threatens that system. For queer folks, this gets even more complicated. Many of us already live outside of the boxes that society says that we're supposed to fit into. With gender, sexuality, the way that we dress, body norms, all of it. So when we're told to love our bodies, but only if they look a certain way, it can feel like we're handed an impossible task. And body neutrality offers freedom from that. But getting there means unlearning so much noise, the noise that tells us that our value comes from the surface, that our health can be judged from the outside. Which is not true, by the way.
[00:13:03] And just to be clear, neutrality isn't apathy or being indifferent about your body. I don't want you to give up or like, stop caring about your body, but I want you to decenter it from your life. You can still listen to your body, take care of it, and respect it without it being the main story in your life. It's actually an act of trust, too. You're trusting that your body doesn't need to be fixed. You're trusting that your body will give you the cues that you need in order to be taken care of. Instead of listening to what outside sources are telling you about your body. It'll tell you when you're hungry or thirsty, or when you need to stretch or move your body, which all of that might not happen right away. And that's totally okay. The more you work towards getting back in tune with your body and listening to your body the more it'll give you those cues.
[00:13:53] So we've talked about what body neutrality is, but how do we actually start living it? Because it's one thing to understand the concept, but it's another to actually apply it. Especially when you're having a dysphoric day or you're scrolling through your feed and seeing perfectly filtered bodies that make you want to crawl out of your skin.
[00:14:12] So body neutrality isn't something that you can just accomplish overnight. It's a practice. One that grows over time, especially in a world that's constantly trying to pull us back into this body obsession and diet culture. So let's talk through some of the ways you can start practicing neutrality in a real, everyday, queer as hell way.
[00:14:32] But first, let's start with the mental stuff. Because our relationship with our body starts with our thoughts.
[00:14:38] The first one is focus on what your body does, not how it looks. So instead of asking yourself, how do I look today? Try asking, what is my body allowing me to experience right now?
[00:14:51] Your body helps you laugh until your stomach hurts. It helps you dance with your friends or hold somebody that you love, or walk your dog or cry when you need to. Those are beautiful and they have nothing to do with how you look.
[00:15:08] Two is using neutral language. This one can feel kind of awkward at first, but it's really powerful. Instead of saying I hate my arms or forcing yourself to say I love my arms, if you don't truly feel that way, you might try saying, these are my arms. That's it. No judgment, no more label. Again, I know that it sounds awkward, but. But neutral statements slowly start to retrain your brain to stop assigning value to your body parts and instead just see them for what they are, parts of you that carry you through life. 3 is challenge binary beauty ideals. Gaia culture and heteronormativity are best friends. They've both been built around this idea that there's only one right way to exist. But queer folks already know there's no one right way to be a person or to have a body. So when you catch yourself comparing yourself to some ideal, maybe a CIS thin fit influencer, pause and ask yourself, where did the standard even come from? Does it align with your values, your reality? Or is it somebody else's fantasy of what Worthy is supposed to look like?
[00:16:21] 4 is acknowledge dysphoria without judgment.
[00:16:25] If you experience gender dysphoria, body neutrality isn't about pretending those feelings don't exist. It's about holding them without shame, saying, yeah, I feel uncomfortable in this part of my body right now, but not turning that discomfort into self hate. You don't have to love every part of your body, you just have to stop punishing yourself for not loving it. And maybe you can take this one step further and try to see if there's anything right then and there that you can do to make yourself feel a little bit more comfortable.
[00:16:55] And if not, that's totally okay. The fifth one is detach your worth from your appearance. This one is easier said than done, but it's foundational. Your queerness, your creativity, your kindness, your humor. All of it has nothing to do with your size or your shape or your scars or your weight. So when you start to notice how often your brain tries to link your body to your worth, try interrupting it and saying something like my body is the least interesting thing about me. I am kind, I am funny, I am worthy of love. Or really anything that's specific to you. It can help to sit down and think about these things when you are already in a good mood or feeling better about yourself. That way you have them ready to go when you need them. You can write them on a piece of paper that you keep folded up in your wallet, or write them in the notes on your phone. But wherever you put them, make sure that you remember where you put them.
[00:17:51] So now let's move into some tangible day to day shifts. Number six is dressing for comfort, not presentation. So wear things that make you feel good in your body, not what society tells you is flattering. If you're trans or non binary, that might mean exploring gender affirming clothes or soft fabrics that don't make you dysphoric. The goal isn't to hide, it's to exist comfortably.
[00:18:16] This also applies to neurodivergent folks with sensory issues.
[00:18:20] Figure out what it is about your clothes that makes you uncomfortable and seek out clothes that make you feel good in your skin. Number seven is be very intentional about who you follow on social media. This one is huge. Who you follow matters. Fill your timeline with fat, trans, disabled and gender expansive creators who show bodies existing joyfully and without apology.
[00:18:44] And don't be afraid to unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself, even if that's not their intention. You'll be surprised how much that changes your perception of what's normal. Number eight is journaling about the sensations in your body, not judgments. So a quick practice can be Every so often, pause and write down what you feel in your body.
[00:19:05] Literally, you can say my stomach feels tight, my shoulders are tense My feet feel warm. This shifts you from judging your body to listening to it.
[00:19:18] Number nine is make movement joyful. One of the top things that diet culture did was turning movement into a punishment, like having to work out hard enough in order to allow yourself food. But instead of that, find movement that feels grounding, not punishing. That might be going for a walk or dancing alone in your room or with your friends, or gentle yoga, stretching, or even just breathing deeply for a few minutes. Die culture says that movement has to burn or transform something, but body neutrality says that movement is supposed to be grounding and joyful.
[00:19:56] Ten is reclaim pleasure. So pleasure is a form of body acceptance too. Whether it's through sex, touch, scent, taste, or rest, reconnecting with what feels good helps you relate to your body as something that you experience, not something you judge.
[00:20:15] And the last couple points are going to be more about community. Body neutrality and healing don't happen in isolation. It's a lot easier to practice when you're surrounded by people who get it and don't constantly reinforce harmful ideas.
[00:20:29] So number 11 is find queer spaces that celebrate being in your body. Queer swim groups, dance groups, yoga spaces, kink communities. Places where queers come together and just exist fully without apology. There are so many places where queer folks are reclaiming joy on our own terms. Find the ones that feel safe to you, where bodies of all kinds are welcome.
[00:20:54] Number 12 is talk about it openly. Normalize conversations about body neutrality with your queer friends or even the non queer people in your life. Share what's working for you, what's hard, what you're unlearning. It's healing to say out loud, hey, I'm trying to stop hating my body. And someone might respond, yeah, me too. And maybe you guys can share some resources.
[00:21:16] Number 13 is advocate for accessibility. Neutrality also means pushing back against systems that make being in your body harder for some people, whether that's fatphobia, ableism, or the lack of inclusive sizing. Because true body neutrality isn't just personal, it's also political.
[00:21:35] So you can write letters to specific businesses or even advocate for it publicly, like on social media.
[00:21:42] And last but not least, number 14 is celebrate your body as an expression, not decoration. Your body doesn't have to be a project to fix. It can be a canvas, a protest, or a statement of joy. So maybe that's through tattoos or piercings or clothing or body hair.
[00:22:01] Maybe it's how you move or how you laugh, how you take up space.
[00:22:05] Queerness already bends the rules about what bodies should look like. Neutrality just lets you own that.
[00:22:13] So those are the biggest tips that I have for you today about implementing this in your day to day life. You don't have to do every single one of those, especially not right off the bat. But maybe just start with one or two or three that feel good to you. And as time goes on, maybe you can start implementing more in your life. But I want to go back to the beginning and talk about how all of this ties back into that death card in reverse that we pulled earlier.
[00:22:40] That energy of resisting change or holding on tight to old ways of seeing ourselves. Because honestly, when it comes to our bodies, that resistance makes sense. Diet, culture, gender norms, all of it. They've taught us who we're supposed to be for so long that letting go of those stories can feel scary.
[00:23:00] But the death card reversed isn't about failure or fear. It's about noticing where we're clinging on to something that's keeping us stuck.
[00:23:07] It's the moment before the transformation when we're standing in that in between space. Not quite the old versions of ourselves, but not fully the new one yet either. And that's totally okay. Body neutrality lives right there in that messy middle. It's about giving yourself permission to not know exactly what healing looks like yet, and to just trust that release happens in layers.
[00:23:33] So we have come to the end of the episode, and if you want to sit with all of that a little bit this week, here are a few journal prompts for you to explore.
[00:23:42] 1. How do I talk to myself about my body and what tone does that voice use?
[00:23:48] 2. In what ways have I tried to fit in with body norms, even within queer spaces?
[00:23:55] And three where in my life am I resisting change and what small step could I take towards loosening my grip?
[00:24:02] You don't have to have the right answers, just notice what comes up. If you don't feel like journaling, maybe make a voice note of it. You can draw it or talk it out with a friend who gets it. Alrighty, I'll see you next week.
[00:24:20] Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Queers Against Diet Culture. Don't forget to rate, subscribe and share this podcast cast until next time. Remember, carbs are not the enemy and neither is your beautiful body. See you next week.
