When Eating Feels Like a Chore

[00:00:07] Welcome to Queers Against Diet Culture, the podcast where we unlearn toxic food rules and reclaim our bodies. I'm Raya, a queer anti diet coach and your guide to healing your relationship with food and your body in a world that profits off our self hate. We're not here to shrink, we're here to take up space. So let's get into it Hello Hello. [00:00:28] Today I want to talk about when eating feels like a chore. [00:00:32] I know this episode may not resonate with everyone, but it hits really hard for me, and I'm sure it will for some of you as well. [00:00:41] If you've ever gone through phases where food just feels like work, know that you are not alone. [00:00:48] You know that feeling when you open the fridge and you just sit, stare, not because there's nothing there, but because nothing sounds good. Or you realize that it's 4pm and the only thing that you've had is coffee and maybe a few chips and now you're both starving and too tired to do anything about it. [00:01:07] That's what I mean when I say when eating feels like a chore. [00:01:12] It's not that you don't want to take care of yourself. It's that eating has become another thing on your endless to do list, like responding to messages or washing dishes. [00:01:22] And if that's you, if eating feels exhausting or pointless or even a little guilt ridden, I want to start by saying, you're not broken. You're human. You're tired and you are not alone. [00:01:36] But before I get into it, let's talk about the tarot card I pulled for today's episode. I pulled the Hermit in reverse Upright. The Hermit is about stepping back and seeking wisdom in silence. [00:01:48] But reversed. It can be one of two extremes. One, when we don't take enough time for actual reflection, when our inner voice gets neglected under the noise of daily demands. Or two, when we isolate too much, retreating so far inward we lose connection with others who help light us up. [00:02:07] As we go through this episode, I want us to consider both sides of that tension. The side where disconnection makes food feel heavy and the other side, where isolating makes feeding ourselves and connecting to our body even harder. For so many of us, especially queer folks, neurodivergent people, those with histories of diet, culture, trauma or depression, feeding ourselves can stop feeling like an act of care and start feeling like a chore. And I think it's time we talk about why that is. [00:02:38] For me, personally, throughout my life, I've gone through waves of binge eating and then waves of not being able to feed myself until I'm starving and feeling shaky. [00:02:48] Part of it is out of sight, out of mind. I wake up, I make my coffee, and I go about my day and forget to feed myself. [00:02:56] The other part is, for me at least, feeling like cooking takes so much work, and then having to wash the dishes on top of that makes feeding myself feel impossible. So I just opt to not feed myself. I have adhd, and apparently this is a pretty common symptom of adhd. Executive functioning can be really hard for us. But neurodivergence aside, there are so many reasons this phenomenon happens. [00:03:23] But before I go into the reasons, let's be clear about the myth that appetite is supposed to be consistent, that we should always have a clear hunger signal, always crave balanced meals, always know what we want. In a perfect world, we would. But the truth is, appetite ebbs and flows, especially when life feels chaotic or when you've lived through chronic restriction, stress, or disconnection from your body. [00:03:47] Some days, food might sound comforting. Other days, food might just be one more thing you feel like you can't keep up with. And that's not failure, it's just fluctuation. [00:03:58] We've been sold the myth that hunger and fullness cues are automatic, even though diet culture has taught us from a very young age that we shouldn't be listening to our body's cues. So we're getting a lot of mixed messages. [00:04:10] But for many of us, hunger is emotional. It's relational. It shifts with our mood, with medication, hormones, sensory input, and safety. [00:04:21] So if your appetite feels off, that's not something broken. It's your body speaking a language that maybe you weren't taught to understand. [00:04:28] Instead of asking, why can't I eat like I used to, maybe ask, why? What has changed about my world that might be dulling my hunger? [00:04:36] It's not about fixing your appetite. It's about rebuilding trust with your body's rhythm, even when that rhythm feels unpredictable. [00:04:44] So let's talk about some of the ways eating can feel like a chore. But just to be clear, this is not about laziness. It's about the load. [00:04:53] One of the top reasons is burnout and overstimulation. [00:04:56] When your brain is juggling constant inputs like work and social media, activism, friendships, and survival, eating can start to feel like just one more thing. For neurodivergent folks. Executive dysfunction adds another layer. You know, you should eat. But the steps between I'm hungry and the food is ready can feel like a mountain. [00:05:19] Cooking, cleaning, deciding what to make even the sensory overwhelm of certain textures. It's not just eating, it's a whole process. [00:05:29] And it's a never ending process. Because you're supposed to feed yourself at least three times a day, every single day. [00:05:35] But when you're running on fumes, that feels impossible. So you delay eating, saying that you'll eat after you finish the next task. Or you just skip it altogether. [00:05:46] Another reason might be diet culture residue. Even for those of us who have done a lot of healing work around food, the residue of diet culture sticks like glitter. Just when you think it's all gone, you find more. [00:05:59] It whispers that certain foods are bad. Eating too late at night is wrong, that convenience foods are lazy or unhealthy. So now when we try to eat, we're not just feeding ourselves, we're battling internalized shame. We ask, what should I eat? Instead of what do I want? And that shift from curiosity to control kills the joy. Because when food becomes a moral test instead of a relationship, we lose the connection to how it actually makes us feel. [00:06:28] And then there's the layer that doesn't get talked about very often. How queerness intersects with food and body. For many queer folks, our relationship with their bodies are complicated. Gender dysphoria, trauma, rejection from family traditions, or the pressure to look a certain way. Even within queer spaces, all of that shapes how we feed ourselves. [00:06:49] Maybe food has been tangled up in shame and safety since childhood. Maybe you grew up hiding parts of yourself and hiding became muscle memory. So now even hunger feels like something to hide. [00:07:01] Maybe meals were moments of tension, family dinners where you couldn't be yourself. Or maybe queer culture, in its pursuit of liberation, accidentally recreated new kinds of body pressure. [00:07:14] For some, eating feels disconnected from identity. Like our bodies aren't home, so why bother nourishing them? For others, food has been used as a weapon. Parents controlling meals, partners commenting on your body, doctors pathologizing fatness. When safety is tied to how we look or how much we eat, it's no wonder that feeding ourselves doesn't always feel like freedom. When eating feels like a chore, sometimes it's not because of the food. It's because feeding a body that doesn't feel fully accepted hurts. [00:07:45] So what if eating became an act of quiet rebellion? What if feeding yourself, even imperfectly, was a way of saying, I exist, I deserve care, I am still here. [00:07:56] So, yeah, it's not just food. It's survival, safety, identity, history, all tangled together. [00:08:04] And now I want to talk about the emotional weight that comes from eating. Feeling Like a chore. There's sort of a grief that comes along with it, the grief of remembering a time when eating did feel joyful. [00:08:16] Maybe when you were a kid, maybe during a period where life felt slower and easier. Eating isn't just physical. It's emotional, it's social, it's spiritual. It's one of the few rituals we repeat every day, consciously or not. And when that ritual starts to feel heavy, it can mess with our sense of connection. We might feel detached from food, from our bodies, or from life itself. Sometimes not eating is how we express burnout without words. Sometimes it's a response to a world that doesn't always make space for rest. [00:08:49] Sometimes it's your body telling you it's overwhelmed, that it needs to slow down and to have something taken off its plate. So if you're in that place, if feeding yourself feels like too much, maybe the answer isn't to push harder. Maybe it's to listen deeper, to ask, what's draining me so much that I don't even have the energy to feed myself? That question might reveal a lot more than you'd think. [00:09:13] But let's talk about what it looks like to move forward. Not in a fix yourself kind of way, but in a let's make this more gentle kind of way. [00:09:22] Because nourishment isn't just about food. It's anything that fills you up without simultaneously emptying you out. [00:09:30] So the first one is redefine nourishment. [00:09:34] What if nourishment meant enoughness, not perfection? What if it was okay for a frozen meal to count? Or a bowl of cereal or a piece of toast with peanut butter? [00:09:46] Sometimes nourishment looks like feeding yourself something warm and simple. Sometimes it's remembering to eat at all. You don't need to love every single meal. You just deserve to be fed. [00:09:59] Number two is make food more accessible. [00:10:02] Making things easier for yourself doesn't make you lazy, it makes you sustainable. So keep low effort. Foods around things you can eat with one hand, snacks that don't need prep, meals that can be microwaved, things that you can eat cold straight out of the fridge. You don't owe anyone aesthetic looking meals. Food that's simple, repetitive or boring still count. Especially if you already struggle to find things to eat. Every act of feeding yourself is a vote for your survival, and that's sacred. [00:10:33] Number three is bring back sensory joy. If food feels flat, experiment with texture or temperature. Something crunchy, something warm, something smooth. You can add music, candles, sunlight. Anything that reminds you eating is also living not just existing. Maybe you can eat outside or share a meal over facetime with a friend. Sometimes community makes food taste better, even if it's just instant noodles. [00:11:04] Number four is dishing comfort food. Comfort food isn't the enemy. It's culture. It's history. It's care. If Mac and cheese or ramen or pizza is what keeps you going, that's nourishment. Not every meal has to have vegetables in it. If that's too much for you, five is let it be imperfect. Food doesn't have to be a whole event. You can make the same breakfast every day. You can skip the garnish. You can use paper plates if that takes away the mental load of having to wash dishes after every meal. [00:11:37] You can love food again or not, but you deserve a relationship with it that feels gentle, not punishing. [00:11:45] And the last tip I have for you, number six is have someone you trust keep you accountable. [00:11:51] Accountability is something that can be really dangerous or really great depending on how you use it. It can be used in a lot of different senses, but it does have strong ties to diet culture and toxic gym culture. Having a friend or a coach checking on you to make sure that you're hitting the gym regularly or sticking to your diet plan is not what I mean here. Ask one or a few of your friends or family members or anyone you really trust to check in on you to make sure that you're eating every day. [00:12:21] Sometimes all it takes is a gentle reminder to remember to feed yourself. If this doesn't seem like an option for you, maybe you can set reminders in your phone. Just make sure that you don't turn the reminders off or start to tune them out. [00:12:34] I also want to take a minute to honor the folks who get physically exhausted from cooking and eating. If you live with chronic illness, fatigue, mental health problems, adhd, sensory processing issues, food is often tied to an energy economy. It's not just about time, it's about spoons. I'm sure most of us know about the spoons theory. Sometimes you just don't have enough energy to plan to cook or even to decide. That's not a moral failing. It's just logistics. [00:13:06] You might want to eat better, but what you actually need is a system of support that makes feeding yourself possible. [00:13:13] Batch cooking, grocery delivery, meal trains ready to eat foods. Those aren't luxuries, they're accessibility tools. [00:13:21] So let's remove the shame. You're not lazy for needing things to be simpler. You're just a human in a body that has limits what if, instead of striving to optimize eating, we focused on making nourishment more accessible to the bodies that we have, not the ones capitalism wants us to have? [00:13:41] So let's loop back around to our card, the Hermit in Reverse. This whole episode we've been talking about disconnection from hunger, from pleasure, from your body, from the act of feeding ourselves. [00:13:53] And that's exactly what this card asks us to notice. When eating feels like a chore, it's often not about the food itself. It's about the deeper sense of isolation, the kind that tells us it's safer not to need, not to feel, not to take up space. [00:14:09] The Hermit in reverse tells you that if you've reflected enough, it's okay to step back into the world, even if it's messy. It's okay to share a meal, ask for help, or just eat because you're human and you deserve to be here. [00:14:23] But before we close, I want to just leave you with a few journal prompts to sit with. So grab your notebook or open the notes app on your phone number. One is what makes eating feel hard or draining right now. [00:14:37] Two is how can I make nourishing myself feel more accessible? [00:14:42] And three, what does my body ask for when I slow down enough to listen? [00:14:47] But before we fully wrap up, I want to touch on something beautiful. The way queer community redefines care so often we think self care means doing everything alone. But community care says you don't have to. [00:15:02] Sharing food, cooking together, dropping off meals, even sending a doordash to a friend can be a radical act of love. It's a way of saying you deserve to be fed even when you can't feed yourself. And that's not dependency, that's connection. [00:15:18] So maybe the next time eating feels like a chore, opt to invite someone in to let nourishment be shared. Remember, survival is collective. [00:15:29] And if eating feels like a chore right now, that doesn't make you broken, lazy, or disconnected. It makes you human. And you still deserve nourishment, no matter how it looks or feels today. [00:15:45] Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Careers Against Diet Culture. Don't forget to rate, subscribe and share this podcast until next time. Remember, carbs are not the enemy, and neither is your beautiful body. See you next week.