Episode Transcript
[00:00:07] Welcome to Queers Against Diet Culture, the podcast where we unlearn toxic food rules and reclaim our bodies. I'm Riah, a queer anti diet coach and your guide to healing your relationship with food and your body in a world that profits off our self hate. We're not here to shrink, we're here to take up space. So let's get into it.
[00:00:27] Good morning everyone.
So the holidays are here again.
And by the time that this episode comes out, depending on where in the world you live and which holidays you celebrate, some of them have already passed. But we still have some coming up. And depending on who you are, that can mean anything from cozy lights and eating your favorite foods to full body tension, old wounds, resurfacing and bracing yourself for comments that you did not ask for.
If this season has you feeling a little on edge, a little shut down, or honestly just really tired, I want you to know that you're not the only one. There's this cultural expectation that we're all supposed to be overflowing with gratitude and family togetherness. But for so many of us, especially if you're queer or if you've done a lot of unlearning around food and your body, the holidays can be one of the most activating times of the year. Maybe you're heading back into a home where people still talk about food like it's a moral issue.
Maybe you feel like you have to put on a mask at every family gathering.
Maybe you're already planning what you'll say if someone comments on your body again.
Maybe you don't even know if going home is the right choice this year.
Whatever is coming up for you, know that it is real, it's valid, and you are allowed to protect your peace.
So today we're going to talk about navigating all of that. The food triggers, boundaries, family dynamics, choosing what actually feels safe for you.
But before we get into it, I want to start us off the way that we always do with a tarot card.
So let's take a deep breath, let your shoulders drop, unclench your jaw if you're listening while getting ready or hiding in the bathroom at a family gathering, which would honestly be iconic. Or if you're driving, just give yourself one tiny moment to land here.
Okay, the card I pulled for the Collective, something to guide us through this season is the Queen of Wands.
And I mentioned this in the last episode, but we've been pulling a lot of wand cards lately. Wands are all about fire and passion, intuition, and taking aligned action.
So it Already makes sense that this energy is showing up as we move towards this time of year. That can be really activating for a lot of us.
But what's even more interesting is that not only are we still deep in this wand energy, but this is also the first time we've pulled a repeat card and it's showing up in back to back episodes. The last episode was also the Queen of Wands.
So when a card repeats like this, especially so quickly, it's usually a sign that the message isn't done with us. There's something we either didn't fully receive the first time, something that needs to be reinforced, or something that becomes more relevant as life shifts around us.
The Queen of Wands is bold. She doesn't shrink herself to make other people comfortable. She's grounded in her intuition. Expressive, warm, magnetic. And she's unapologetically herself.
But she's also discerning. She knows when to take up space and when to pull back her energy.
And to me, that feels incredibly aligned with this episode. Because this time of year brings up so many situations where we feel pressured to dim ourselves.
Whether that's around family, around old environments that brings up old roles, or around conversations where you suddenly feel like you're 15 years old again.
The Queen of Wands comes in as a reminder that you don't have to extinguish your inner flame just because other people can't handle its brightness.
And this doesn't mean being loud, confrontational, or performative. The Queen of Wands is confident, but she's not reckless. Her power comes from knowing who she is, not from proving it to anyone else.
So as we move into the rest of this episode and talk about boundaries and coping tools and navigating complicated family dynamics, let this be the grounding energy beneath all of it.
So what is it about the holidays that feel so hard? Especially when they're supposed to make you feel all warm and cozy and nostalgic?
Well, honestly, there's a lot going on under the surface. But let's start with one of the big ones. Holidays tend to drag us back into old roles, old patterns, old memories, old. You can be a full grown adult with boundaries and self respect and a whole therapy toolkit and still find yourself emotionally time traveling. The moment you walk back into your childhood home, your child self can get activated, even if your adult self knows better.
Sometimes it's because your parents or relatives slip right back into treating you the way that they did when you were little.
Other times it's more subtle. Maybe a tone of voice, a certain family dynamic, a certain smell in the kitchen, the way a sibling acts.
And if you had a difficult childhood or haven't done much inner child work, those triggers can feel even sharper.
But even if you have done years of work, being triggered doesn't mean you've failed. It means that you're human.
And when those younger parts of you wake up, old coping mechanisms tend to come up, even ones that you haven't used in years.
Suddenly you're people pleasing again, or shutting down, or shrinking your voice, or slipping back into old food rules that you thought you've buried a long time ago. It's so hard to stay connected to intuitive eating when you're sitting at a table with people who once scolded you for getting a second plat.
And then there's body and weight commentary, which unfortunately is super normalized in so many families. Negative comments, people who pretend like they're just expressing concern, even compliments. None of it is harmless, especially when it comes from people who helped shape your earliest sense of belonging. You may feel yourself monitoring how you sit, what you're wearing, how much you're eating, or how you take up space.
You might catch yourself bracing, waiting for that one relative to make that predictable comment like they always do.
And for some of us, standing up for ourselves was seen as disrespectful. So even a simple boundary can feel terrifying.
And then sometimes it's just the opposite. One relative guilt trips you for not getting seconds while someone else judges you when you do. It's no wonder that eating becomes so emotionally loaded. Holiday gatherings also mean being around people that you don't see very often, which can make you feel extra visible. Suddenly your whole life is on display. Your job, your relationship status, your weight changes, your choices in life, and for queer folks, especially, your identity or gender expression.
And if you're newly tapping into your queerness, or maybe not out to your family, this can feel like you're walking through the world with your guard permanently up.
And when your body is under this kind of stress, it shifts into fight or flight mode. Hunger and fullness cues become unreliable.
Overeating, undereating, or feeling totally disconnected from food isn't a personal flaw. It's a physiological survival response that is not your body betraying you. Your body is protecting you.
Now, when you layer in dietary restrictions like being vegan, gluten free, celiac allergies, religious practices, things get even harder. Family isn't always understanding. Sometimes they make snarky comments or they have passive aggressive questions.
Sometimes it's being treated like you're ruining family tradition just by taking care of your body.
Even if you bring your own food, you might still get interrogated about it.
And nothing brings out passive aggressive energy more than telling your auntie that you can't eat her famous casserole.
Dietary restrictions shouldn't require emotional labor, but often they do. It can make you feel like an outsider, even within your own family.
And for neurodivergent folks, there's a whole other dimension. Sensory overload. Bright lights, chaotic schedules, loud rooms, too many smells happening at once. Food textures that are already challenging your system.
If mashed textures or mixed foods are already tough for you, holiday meals can feel like walking into a sensory minefield. And when people are making comments saying, stop being dramatic or just eat what's served, that can push anyone over the edge of you're not picky. Your nervous system is just communicating with you.
And then there's this identity layer, especially for queer folks. Holiday can bring dysphoria, misgendering, religious pressure, erasure of relationships, or subtle or not so subtle judgments.
You might censor how you dress, how you speak, what parts of your personality you share.
Sometimes the queerness in you, the part that feels the most sacred has to get folded up into something much smaller to keep the peace.
And here's where all of this connects to food and body image. When you're in an environment where you don't feel fully safe or affirmed, you often start to shrink yourself in more ways than one.
You filter your personality, you soften your voice, you avoid correcting people, you hide pieces of yourself. You make yourself emotionally small.
And that can quickly turn into feeling like your body should be smaller too.
Because once you've been conditioned to believe parts of you are too much, it's only a tiny step to believing that your appetite is too much, that your needs are too much, or that your body is too much.
Emotional shrinking and physical shrinking come from the same muscle.
Emotionally, you might feel, if I'm quieter, softer, or easier, maybe I'll be more accepted. And physically, it can feel like maybe if I take up less space, maybe they'll stop commenting.
And the tough truth is, shrinking did keep some of us safe at one point. So when we go back into old environments, our nervous system remembers that even if we've grown, even if we've healed, even if we know better now.
For queer folks especially, the pressure to be smaller, both literally and figuratively, didn't start with food. It started with being told to tone it down. Don't draw attention to yourself. Don't make anyone uncomfortable.
Blend in.
And diet culture reinforces that by pretending a smaller body is safer, more acceptable, easier.
So when you're at a holiday table where you can't fully be yourself, where you're being misgendered or judged, where your full identity has to go into hiding, your body sometimes internalizes the message that it should shrink, too.
This is why food and body image struggles flare up so intensely around the holidays.
It's not about willpower. It's not about vanity. It's not because you're being dramatic. It's your nervous system trying to navigate belonging and safety and identity and visibility all at once.
And then there's the sensory overwhelm, the emotional labor, the masking, the fear of judgment, the pressure to be grateful. No matter how uncomfortable you feel.
Holidays often become a double performance, performing holiday cheer on top of performing safety.
So if you've ever wondered why the holidays make eating feel 10 times harder, it's not just you. It's the history. It's the family dynamics, the systems that you grew up in, the identities you carry, the sensory overload, the expectations, all of the old stories your body still remembers.
And the good news is, once we understand why it feels this way, we can start building tools to support you. Not to just survive the holidays, but to move through them feeling grounded and connected to yourself.
[00:14:18] But before we get into the how, I want to clear up what boundaries actually are. Because even though we hear that word all the time, most people still misunderstand what it actually means.
Boundaries are not rules for you to place on other people. They're not about controlling anyone or telling them what they're allowed to do. Boundaries are about you. The choices you will make based on how someone else behaves.
They're there to protect your energy, but they're not there to protect your reputation.
And this is especially important when you're dealing with family members who take your boundaries as a personal rejection. Your boundaries are not punishments.
They're not moral judgments. They're simply the conditions required for you to feel safe and regulated and respected.
So now that we've laid that foundation, let's talk about how you can build boundaries and stay grounded during the holiday chaos.
So before stepping into any holiday space, I want you to check in with yourself first.
Ask, what helps me feel regulated? Is it alone time?
A quick check in? Text with your partner or your best friend?
Maybe it's carrying around some item that feels especially grounding for you.
Is it taking breaks away from noise? Your list can be as long as it needs to be.
Then ask yourself what food related needs do I have? Maybe you need regular meals and snacks so you don't end up feeling dysregulated or overwhelmed.
Maybe you need to bring your own safe foods, especially if you're vegan, gluten free, have allergies or sensory needs.
You deserve deaf foods that you can actually eat without guilt and without apologizing.
Then ask what emotional needs usually go unmet in my family?
Maybe you're used to not being listened to. Maybe you're used to being commented on.
Maybe you're everyone's default conflict manager. Naming these ahead of time can help protect those soft spots instead of getting blindsided.
And then once you have this clarity, you can look at past holidays and decide what boundaries you may need ahead of time.
Some examples for food and body boundaries can be I'm not discussing my body or my weight today.
Commenting on my plate isn't helpful. I'm good, I'll be taking breaks as I need them.
I'm bringing food that works for me. No need to make anything special.
And then boundaries around shutting down diet talk can be I'm focusing on feeling good in my body right now or I'm not doing the diet talk thing today.
And you can always redirect talk about holiday plans, old memories, pets, literally anything else.
You can also exit the conversation. You don't have to explain. You can just go talk to someone else or leave the room.
You can also set up signals with safe people, maybe a partner, a cousin, a friend to help you gracefully escape conversations that drain your soul.
And then for identity based boundaries, if it's about your pronouns, you can say, if you slip up, please correct yourself and keep moving. If it's around your identity, you can say, I won't be explaining my identity today.
If it's around your clothes or your presentation, you can just say I'm wearing what feels good for me.
And if a topic is unsafe, you are never obligated to stay in the room. You do not have to debate your existence at the dinner table.
It can also help to plan exit routes ahead of time. Drive yourself if you can have a friend on standby, or you can know where the nearest coffee shop is or the nearest walking spot if you need to decompress.
You can also set boundaries around your time. You can say, I'm staying for dinner, but I'm leaving after dessert, or I'm only doing a short visit this year.
You're also allowed to say no to certain activities you don't have to participate in every single thing just because it's a tradition.
And then there are emotional boundaries. You are not responsible for regulating anyone else's feelings.
You were not required to fix tension, to smooth over conflict, or to prevent someone from being disappointed.
And yes, you might feel guilty for saying no. People pleasing patterns run deep. But guilt isn't a sign that you're doing something wrong. It's just a sign that you're doing something new. It'll get easier the more you do it. Your body might also react with fear or anxiety because it remembers what happened the last time. You set a boundary that doesn't make you weak, it makes you human.
And for the family members who are predictably predictable, for the aunt who always comments on your body, you can say, I'm not talking about my weight. How's work going?
For the parent who gets upset when you set boundaries, it can be, I love you, but I need to take care of myself today.
And for the cousin who's always trying to push the latest diet of the month, you can just say, you do you, I'm good.
And for the host that always pushes food on everybody, you can say, everything looks great, maybe later. And for anyone who disrespects your identity, a simple I am not discussing this. If it continues, I'll leave.
Ideally, your boundaries will be respected, but if they're not, because unfortunately, that does happen, state it again, briefly, without apology.
If it keeps happening, set a final boundary. Something like, if this continues, I'm stepping away.
And if it does happen again, follow through. No drama, no speech, just walk away or leave.
Please, please, please give yourself permission to prioritize you. Especially if you come from a family that has historically made that feel impossible.
You do not owe anyone your comfort.
And also you get to use your own discernment. Not every situation needs a heavy boundary. For low to medium stuff, redirecting or using humor might be enough. But for high stakes situations, you might need to be more firm. But remember, you cannot control how other people behave. You can only control what you choose to do. And sometimes the boundary that protects you the most is not going at all.
Okay, now that we've laid out some boundaries, let's shift into how to actually stay grounded and regulated when the holiday chaos starts to build.
Stressful moments happen fast. And when they do, having tools that you can reach for right in the moment can make a massive difference.
Tools that you can use while you're literally sitting at the dinner table, hiding in the guest room, maybe in the Car with the heater blasting, or walking around the block trying to breathe again.
So let's start with some quick body based tools, because your body responds long before your brain can catch up.
So breath work is one of the fastest ways to pull your nervous system out of panic mode. And there are so many breathing techniques out there, but not all of them are calming. Some are actually designed to energize or stimulate you, which is the last thing we want here.
So if you're looking up some breathing techniques, make sure you're searching specifically for the ones that are geared towards anxiety reduction or nervous system regulation.
But two reliable options are 4, 7, 8 breathing, which is inhaling for four seconds, holding for seven, and then exhaling for eight and repeating that.
Another good option is box breathing, which is inhaling for four seconds, holding for four, exhaling for four, holding for four, and repeating that.
But honestly, even just taking slow, controlled, deep breaths can make a huge difference.
And another tool is anchoring touch.
This can be putting one hand on the chest and one hand on your belly. But if you need something that's a bit more discreet, like if you're sitting at the dinner table or surrounded by people, try lightly squeezing your arm or your thigh. This helps you bring you back into your body when you start to dissociate or float away mentally.
And I think this one is one that a lot of people know already, but I'm gonna go over it anyway just in case. But for panic attacks, the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique is great.
So noticing five things that you see, four things that you feel, three things that you hear, two that you can smell, and one thing that you can taste.
It's really good at pulling you out of the spiral and back into the present moment.
For emotional tools, one of my favorites is Name it to tame it. It's exactly what it sounds like. Putting words to what's happening inside, putting words to your feelings.
This can look something like, I feel overwhelmed, I feel criticized, I feel unsafe.
Labeling your emotions decreases the intensity. And if you choose to say them out loud to someone safe, it gives the people around you the chance to actually understand what you're experiencing.
But you are absolutely not required to say these out loud. If it feels safer and better for you to just say them internally to yourself, then do that.
And then you can also use internal boundaries things to tell yourself to interrupt old conditioning. That's not my reality. That comment isn't actually about me. This is not my responsibility to fix.
These are especially powerful if you grew up being the peacekeeper in your home.
And then another helpful tool is reframing old roles. So many of our reactions during the holidays are our younger selves popping up. But you're not the same child you were growing up in that house. You have tools now. You have autonomy now. You can remind yourself my adult self can handle things differently.
[00:25:30] And then there are also tools around communication. Some of these overlap with the boundary work that we've already been talking about, but communication is its own category of coping.
Neutral responses are incredibly effective with people who are trying to bait you or escalate conflict.
Short, calm, non committal answers make you uninteresting to engage with.
You do not owe anyone the most interesting version of yourself.
You can also redirect the topic, or you can end the conversation and physically walk away. Or you can use those pre planned signals that we were talking about earlier with your safe people. All of them are valid and all of them are protective.
But honestly, preparing yourself ahead of time is one of the best coping tools that you can actually have. Preparing yourself before you walk through the door.
So around the same time that you're doing your pre holiday check in, you know those questions that we were talking about a little bit ago. Give yourself 20 to 30 minutes to get grounded. Meditate for five to 10 minutes.
Do some slow breath work.
Use some essential oils, whether it's just smelling them or putting it on your body.
Maybe drink a calming tea and moving your body, doing some slow yoga, stretching, going for a walk. Think of these things as preventative measures. They help you go into the situation more level headed.
And then there are food related tools. These are crucial if food is already a source of stress or if you're navigating diet culture. Comments, allergies, vegan restrictions, sensory needs, or disordered eating recovery.
So one of the first ones would be scanning the food around you before making your plate, asking yourself what feels grounding what feels comfortable or supportive.
No morality, just noticing.
And then give yourself reminders that you have full permission to eat. Letting yourself know that you are allowed to eat this.
[00:27:46] And then body neutrality anchors reminding yourself my body deserves respect, I don't have to love how I look to feed myself. And then deciding ahead of time how you want to respond to food related comments. Whether it's redirecting, ignoring or gently shutting them down.
Pre deciding takes the pressure off in the moment.
Another tool is identifying safe spots. Some places where you can step away and regulate. These might change depending on where you're going or whose house you'll be at. But some Reliable options usually are the backyard, a guest room, a quiet corner away from everybody else, going for a walk around the neighborhood, your car, and of course the bathroom. The bathroom is the easiest place to escape to for a quick reset and one of the most important ones, I think are sensory regulation tools. Neurodivergent or not, sensory tools can be a lifesaver. Noise reducing earplugs can be great. If you're sensitive to noise, loop earplugs are a great accessible option. They tend to be on the cheaper side compared to some of the other options, but if you have the budget for it, there are more expensive, higher quality ones as well. It can also help to have a discreet fidget with you. There are some small magnets that you can play with in your pocket, textured keychain toys, and one of my favorites is fidget rings. Believe me, you will not catch me out in a crowded environment without my fidget ring. It can also help to have a soothing playlist on your headphones, maybe a small bottle of calming or grounding essential oils that you can carry with you, or bringing a soft hoodie or a scarf, or something that creates a sense of cocooning or safety.
So those are all helpful for during the events and some before the events. But it's also important to have some post event decompression. This part matters just as much as the coping tools that you use in real time.
So when you get home, maybe take a warm shower or bath, put on some cozy clothes that maybe you set out for yourself before you left, stretching, shaking or moving through some of the stored tension. You can also go for a walk that might help as well, journaling about anything that came up while you were there or reaching out to your support system. Call someone or send a voice note to someone that understands what you go through.
And remember there is nothing wrong with you for needing tools. Your stress response is your body trying to protect you. You don't have to be at the mercy of the holiday chaos. You get to stay connected to yourself even when old patterns get activated.
[00:30:48] Now, everything we've talked about so far assumes that you're actually going home for the holidays, or at least spending them around family. But for a lot of people that's not reality, and for some it's not even an option.
So in this next part I want to talk about something really important.
What happens when going home doesn't feel safe? Or when you're no longer in contact with your family at all? Because navigating the holidays without a safe or supportive family System is its own unique experience and it deserves its own conversation.
So let's get into it.
First, I want to say this. Clearly you are not obligated to return to harmful family dynamics.
And that includes physical harm, emotional harm, psychological harm, identity based harm, all of it.
Not all families are safe. Not all families are nurturing.
Not all families look like the Hallmark movie version that everyone pretends is the norm.
And for queer folks, or anyone who's been the scapegoat, or anyone who's been chronically misunderstood, the holidays can get especially intense because there's this pressure to overlook years of hurt in the name of togetherness.
A lot of us grew up hearing things like, but they're your family. Why can't you just forgive them? As if you're the unreasonable one for wanting safety.
So if you're feeling conflicted or numb or anxious or straight up terrified at the idea of going home, nothing is wrong with you. Those feelings are informative.
So let's talk about what not feeling safe actually means. Because it can show up differently for everyone.
Emotional unsafety might look like families who comment on your weight, your relationships, your body, your life choices. Families who minimize your boundaries or mock them or completely disregard them altogether.
Gaslighting, guilt tripping, unpredictable emotional blow ups. Anything that chronically dysregulates you.
Physical unsafety can look like homes with active substance abuse, past trauma, or a history of violence.
Environments where you've been harmed before, Places where you felt trapped. Maybe you didn't have transportation, maybe you weren't allowed to leave.
Maybe there truly wasn't a safe space to retreat to.
Identity based unsafety shows up in homophobic, transphobic, fatphobic, racist or otherwise hostile environments. Places where you've had to mask or shrink yourself to be tolerated.
Maybe you're neurodivergent in a family that refuses to understand your sensory needs or your communication style. And then food and body and safety can mean homes where your food is policed, where your weight is monitored or diet culture is aggressively present. If you're in eating disorder recovery, or if you have dietary restrictions or have sensory based food needs, certain environments are simply destabilizing.
So let me say this again. If your family feels unsafe, you do not have to go.
Skipping the holidays does not make you dramatic. It does not make you selfish. It does not mean you don't love people. It means that you are committed to not abandoning yourself.
If it feels safe enough, you can choose partial attendance. Maybe that means going for a shorter visit.
Maybe it looks like staying at a hotel at a friend's place or with a different family member who actually feels safe, you're allowed to change the structure. You don't have to do the whole emotional marathon if you decide not to go at all. There are gentle ways that you can communicate that like, I won't be able to make it this year, but I hope you all enjoy the holiday. Or if honesty feels safer or maybe necessary, you can say, I'm choosing not to attend because it isn't a safe environment for me.
Both are valid. You get to decide the level of disclosure that supports your well being.
Now, if you're in the place of trying to figure out what to do, here are a few reflection questions that might help guide your decision.
How does my body feel when I imagine going?
What's the best case scenario and what's the realistic scenario?
What needs of mine will absolutely not be met there?
Am I going to spend the rest of December recovering from this trip?
You can also check in with your support system, a partner, a therapist, a friend who actually listens.
Sometimes people outside of the family can actually see the situation more clearly than you, especially when you're in survival mode. It can also help to map out your boundaries. What are your non negotiables? What's a green light?
What's a yellow light, which would be like tolerable but uncomfortable? And what's a hard red light that tells you I cannot put myself in this situation?
If you do choose to go home, I'd strongly encourage you to use the boundaries and the coping tools that we've been talking about. Have an exit strategy drive yourself if you can, or plan transportation in advance.
Decide how long you'll stay, but stay flexible in case things go better or worse than expected.
And know which topics you won't engage in. Plan ahead for food needs and bring your regulation tools, the fidgets, headphones, your grounding techniques, whatever you rely on.
If you choose not to go home, start by releasing guilt. And I know that's easier said than done because guilt is baked into the cultural messaging around family.
But guilt is not a reliable indicator that you're doing something wrong. Often it's the feeling of breaking an old pattern and prepare yourself for pushback. Some families do not handle disappointment well, but you can survive someone being disappointed in you. You do not have to survive being harmed and then build an alternative plan. Maybe that's a friendsgiving or a gathering with your chosen family.
Maybe it's time out in nature, volunteering in your community.
Or honestly, maybe it's a quiet restorative holiday alone with cozy blankets, some candles, your favorite foods, and zero obligations.
Alone time is sometimes exactly what your nervous system needs.
[00:37:57] And I also want to take a moment to speak directly to those who are estranged. Whether it's by your choice, their choice, or a mutual understanding that contact simply isn't healthy.
Estrangement is complex. It can come with relief and grief happening at the exact same same time and around the holidays. That absence can feel even louder. Social media will amplify it, cultural narratives will shame you for it, and family centric traditions can make you feel like the odd one out.
But I want you to hear me. Estrangement is not a failure. It's often a profound act of self protection.
It is healthy and necessary to grieve the family that you wish you had to grieve the version of them that never existed. That grief is real and it's so valid. You do not need to justify estrangement to anyone. You do not need to re expose yourself to be the bigger person. You do not need to be the one to fix it. You get to honor your own capacity.
So if this is you, I want you to support yourself this season in whatever ways you can.
Create small rituals that hold space for both grief and self protection.
Connect with your chosen family. Build new traditions. Maybe potlucks, cozy movie nights, video calls. If you guys aren't in the same place and exchanging letters or voice notes.
You can also journal about the feelings that come up. Let them move through you instead of holding them in.
No matter what your relationship to your family is, you deserve to feel safe, grounded and respected during the holidays and every day.
And before we close, I want to bring us back to our guide for the episode the Queen of Wands.
After everything we've talked about, safety, boundaries, opting out, estrangement, choosing yourself, this card feels especially fitting. The Queen of Wands is the part of you that refuses to shrink just to be tolerated. She doesn't return to places that dim her fire. She chooses spaces where she can be fully herself. And when those spaces don't exist, she creates them.
So if going home doesn't feel safe, the Queen of Wands validates that. If you are grieving the family that you wish you had, she sees that too.
If you're choosing a different path this year, a quieter one, a safer one, a self honoring one, she's right there with you.
Her message is simple. Your light is yours. Protect it. You don't have to change yourself to make the holidays easier for other people.
As you move through the rest of this season. Let her energy be a reminder that you deserve environments and people who support your fire, not ones that try to put it out.
And as we wrap up, I want you to carry the Queen of Wands with you. Not as a pressure to be bold or fearless, but as permission to honor your fire in whatever way feels safest and most sustainable.
And with that energy in mind, I'm actually going to skip journal prompts for this episode. Not because self reflection isn't important, but because we've already moved through a lot of questions and emotional unpacking today and I don't want to pile more on your plate just for the sake of having a journal section. Everyone's family dynamics, identities, histories and needs are different.
So instead of giving you something new to work through, I want to encourage you to revisit the questions that came up earlier and choose the ones that truly apply to you.
And here's your gentle reminder before we close you do not have to fix everything this season. You do not have to heal your entire family lineage.
You do not have to be the most regulated version of yourself in a space that has never supported supported your regulation.
Celebrate the tiny victories, moments of self compassion, the boundaries you held even if your voice shook, the meals you allowed yourself to enjoy, the times you stepped outside to breathe instead of abandoning yourself.
The holidays can be yours. Not the version you were raised with, not the performance your family expects, not the idealized, sanitized version sold to us in movies.
Yours, in whatever way feel safe, gentle and true.
[00:42:53] Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Queers Against Diet Culture. Don't forget to rate, subscribe and share this podcast. Until next time. Remember, carbs are not the enemy and neither is your beautiful body. See you next week.
